BFN

Big Fat Negetive. :( That's what I got this month. I'm a little bummed, but not too bad because I actually expected it. (TMI Alert).... Husband and I missed sex on the days I was actually ovulating, but I thought I might still have a chance considering we "did it" like the day or two before and you know how sperm can swim in there for a couple days or whatever... Also, the fact that I was able to get pregnant without barely trying at all the first two times. Oh well. On to next month. Oh and note to self: don't tell your Husband that you're ovulating so you have to do it. On top of all the other stress, it stresses him out even more. Plus, what guy really wants to hear, "Hey babe. I'm ovulating, let's fuck!" No.. not attractive to any guy I'm assuming. Just pretend that you're really horny and want him every day that week. haha

The good side to this is I get a little more time to work out hard. Not that I don't plan on working out once I pregnant, I just don't plan on working out as hard (for example I think Cage Fitness is a little too hardcore for a pregnant woman).

I also think Husband feels better about this too. We got in an argument about a week ago about TTC. Basically he thought it might be better to wait another month or two instead of just one cycle (but what do I know? The docs are telling me it's okay), and thinks I need to chill out a bit. He's scared to death (as am I) of another miscarriage. I totally understand his side. It was just the way he said it that made the argument. Guys should just really sit and THINK before they say certain things. Especially talking to a woman who is A.) baby crazy and B.) super sensitive about her baby making situation.

This is just really hard for me. Like I said before, we started this so casually. I wanted to get knocked up and all that, but I wasn't so... what's the word... I don't know, impatient(?) about it. It wasn't (and still am not) charting or anything(which i probably won't unless I feel like I really need to. It's just too confusing for me), and I was just having fun with it. I really wish I could go about it that way again. I really do. Because now I'm anxious and stressed and definitely feeling impatient. Every day someone on facebook announces their pregnancy. I get two different emails a week - "Your pregnancy: week 25" and/or "Your Bump: Week 19". It really makes me sad to see those. I need to get them to stop sending them somehow. I mean, I'd be over halfway through my first pregnancy by this time! I would be decorating a nursery and finding out the sex of my baby! Ugh. That really depresses me. However, after two miscarriages which I cannot explain how disappointing that is to happen one time let alone two, I feel almost justified to feel this way. Does that make sense?

Someone help me calm down. I know it will happen. I just feel like throwing a fit and jumping up and down yelling "I WANT IT NOW!!!" I feel like such a psycho sometimes.