Valentine's Day, Part One: Scrapbook

I made Husband a scrapbook of us past, present and future for V-Day. This was my first scrapbook too. It was fun to make.

Here's the cute little albulm I bought from Michaels. I didn't have a photo small enough for this, so just put some scrapbook paper in there for now...














Of course I had to dedicate a couple pages to the doggies.












I bought this stuff originally to make for our anniversary. At that time I was pregnant with the first pregnancy. I thought it'd be cute to put our ultrasound picture in here for the "future". Well, we all know how that went. So anyway, I just put "the future" in there and will replace it with an ultrasound picture when that time comes again.

Wow, Goals galore!

I went to my list to check off 2 items and looks like I get to check off seven! Wowzas! I've been busy.

Let's start with #18 - Make that scrapbook I bought months ago. I need to download my pictures of it later, so that's another post, but I did finally finish the scrapbook. My very first scrapbook too. It came out pretty cute. It's a scrapbook of Husband and I over the years. I bought it to make him for our 2 year wedding anniversary but never got around to it. So I decided to make it for him for Valentine's Day. He liked it. :)

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#31 Buy New Bedding. I was at Target taking back this dress I bought because I didn't like the way it looked on me, and I came across some bedding that was 50% off. There was a lot of pretty nice ones too. Unfortunately most of them were either King or Full sizes, and I have a queen. Of course all the ones I really wanted weren't in the correct size. But I kept going back to this one. I think it's cute, although a little bright. But I do love green and it actually matches my bedroom, so I bought it.



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#39 See a concert (1/15) - this goal isn't completed, but I just saw one about a month ago. It was a Prince tribute band. That's right. PRINCE. It.was.awesome. Beyond awesome. Fuckawesome! Totes awesome! You get the picture. The band was called Purple Reign. haha LOVES IT! This guy looked just like Prince, sounded just like him, and the band was awesome, and Morris Day and Jerome even came out for a few songs!!!
I tried sneeking a video with my iPod, but you can't hear the sound. I can't really find a good video on You Tube either, but if you click here you can check it out.







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# 54 Read 10 new books (1/10) - again, not fully finished, but i did read one new book. **spoiler alert** You've been warned.




The Host. I've been trying to read this book since July. I bought it for our trip to Washington, to read on the plane/in the airport, and... yeah. wasn't that into it. It wasn't absolutely horrible, it just didn't hold my attention. It was... boring. That's the perfect word. BORING. I had to force myself to get through it. I'm not a quitter! That's what I kept telling myself. I was so glad I finally finished it. It's basically about aliens taking over Earth. They implant themselves into human bodies, and take over their minds, and then live on the planet, to make it better or something. Well, "Wanda" Or Wanderer, is this alien's name, and her host's body is Melanie. Melanie isn't giving up her full brain and at first they hate eachother, and then they become all BFF's or something and she decides to find Melanie's little brother Jamie, and her boyfriend Jared, who Wanda falls in love with too eventually. They find them, live with them, help them, Wanda falls in love with Jared too, oh and also some other dude Ian, and she's conflicted. She teaches the humans how to disect the aliens out of their hosts bodies, sends them off to other planets, gives Mel her body back so she can be with Jared, Wanda falls in love with Ian, they implant her in another human body so they can be together... the end. Yeah I'm the best reviewer ever. haha Also, this is supposed to be her first adult book? There was nothing adult about it. It was pruder than Twilight, actually. I mean, I know she's mormon and all, but I don't see how you can call this an adult book. To me adult is some curse words, maybe a little sex, violence... SOMTHING. There was none of it. It was very much rated PG in my opinion.

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# First Friday (1/5)
Nothing to really report. No pics. If you don't know what First Friday is, it's an art walk/festival type thing that they do ever first Friday of the month. It's in the heart of downtown Phoenix. There's tons of art, bands, weird people, etc. It's really fun, and very interesting. :)This one was kind of a bust. There didn't seem to be much vendors like usual, I had my friend Melissa with me who was talking shit about all the hippies and she was just in a foul mood, plus her baby was screaming the whole time (yes it's a family event). It just kind of sucked. Better luck next time. Now I know not to take Melissa that's for sure.

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# 46 Download new music to my iPod. Completed.

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and #47 Try new restaurants (1/10).
China Cafe - cute new little Chinese restaurant. It's really good actually. Had delicious hot & sour soup. Yum. I just need to remember to order the non fried chicken next time. I don't really care for it when it's fried, but forgot to ask them not to. Oh well. It's on 59th & Thunderbird if anyone lives in the area and wants to check it out.

Shawoo! I am exausted after that!

Some Sunday Cuteness

Just because my doggies are the cutest.




Oh noes! The big scary pit bull iz eating my wittle fluffy dog!


BFF's. Gizmo needs a haircut. Don't judge him.





Lily helping me work


Incase you're wondering about Bob's ears... He's Husband's best friend/our roomate's dog and he's a rescue. He rescued him from the Humane Society, and his horrible douchebag of previous owners cut his ears, and unprofessionally. Like, by themselves. It's so sad. I was just thinking the other day of how freaking cute he would be with his floppy ears. Poor Bob. :(

Crafts: Sewing - Throw Pillows

As you may have noticed, my #19 goal is to learn to sew. Yeah, I'm working on this. So far I'm decent at sewing pillows. They're easy, and square. haha I took it a step further this weekend and sewed pillow slip covers. I like to change it up, and I hate having to buy new pillow inserts each time, plus when one of the doggies dirties it, it's easier to throw in the wash.

Anyway, there was a Hobby Lobby grand opening by my house (OMG holy awesome-ness of a store!), and I just HAD to check it out. I had no idea Hobby Lobby had everything from crafts to home decor, I thought it was just mainly craft stuff. They had some sales going on too. Unfortunately I bought from the fabric/sewing section and none of that was on sale. :(

So here are my super awesome pillow slips I sewed. I got the instructions from my new favorite craft blog Make It and Love It. HERE is the tutorial for the bows HERE is the tutorial for slip covers.

Note: my pillows are a different size than the tutorials. I used 16x16in pillows. My measurements were the following:

Pillow: 16.5 front side, 21" back side (and then I cut it and hemmed the slip part.
Bows: I did 16.5x4.5" - I didn't do different sized strips because my pillow was more square than rectangle, they were all the same size, but I just sewed one side further than the other if that makes sense.




Oh, by the way, I ran out of the brown polka dotted fabric, so one pillow only has one bow. I think it's still cute. And of course Lily wanted to model it for you all.



So whattya think? Yay? Nay? Cute? Or should I give up on the sewing while I'm ahead. ;P

Courage

I'm a blogging machine! Working from home has it's benefits, yeah? haha

Any time I'm really feeling down, I crank this song on repeat and it ALWAYS makes me feel so much better. Just listen to the lyrics. I big fat fluffy heart Authority Zero. <3 <3 <3

Speaking of Fitness

I need to lose about 50lbs. It's not pretty. I'm the heaviest I've ever been in my life. I'm gross right now. And I've done absolutely nothing about it for the past, uh... year? I'm not going to make excuses. I've been stressed, depressed and straight up lazy. I've been eating out, a lot. I've been eating sweets, a lot. I hate seeing pictures of myself. I have about 3 chins. Again, I'm gross.

So here's the thing. I'm not going to stress myself over losing a bunch of weight right now. However, I am going to get back in the habit of eating healthy and working out CONSISTANTLY. And hell, if I do this right, then I'll automatically lose a couple LB's right? The reason why I'm not really going to stress the loss of weight thing right now is because I do still plan on getting pregnant again in the next few months here, so I'll really focus on losing all the weight after the baby, but I do want to focus on staying healthy and active while pregnant so I don't gain a whole lot of weight during pregnancy. I really want to limit myself to 20-25lbs max.

Anyhooters, what this post is really about is Matt Hughes Cage Fitness. Click on that link to watch a video. It's a hardcore 30 minute workout. This is something that my Dad's Martial Arts Academy is licensed for and is doing now. I'm now feeling better from the D&C last week and went to Tae Kwon Do this morning, but I think I need to really make sure my body is 100% better before jumping into the Cage Fitness program.So yeah, I'm going to get my booty back into the gym, Tae Kwon Do (I'm a high blue belt now, by the way), and start the Matt Hughes Cage Fitness program and get myself in some sort of shape before getting knocked up again.

And by the way, if you're wanting to join the Cage Fitness Program, my Dad's school is the only school in AZ that offers this program. He has two locations as well... I think (don't quote me) that it's only like $50 a month too, so check it out. That's right I'm pimping my Dad out. haha

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Oh look, I found the video on You Tube, so you don't have to go clicking links... Here ya go.

So....

We had another miscarriage. I found out I was pregnant again the first week of December, so we literally got pregnant again right away after the first miscarriage in November. Cool. I had high hopes about this one. Went in for my first doctor's appointment that week, everything's looking good. Had an u/s but it was too early to see anything at the time. At this time I'm only going off my miscarriage date for a due date. I have nothing else to go off of at this point, and the nurse says that should be about right. I'm thinking I'm about 5wks along. I go in for an ultrasound 2 weeks after and I see the sac and yolk sac and am measuring about 5 1/2 weeks. I'm a little disappointed, but it's okay because I know I can't really go off a m/c for accurate dates. But I'm also happy because A) it's further than I got last time and B)It's more than I had last time (only saw a little bitty sac the first pregnancy). Still feeling good about this pregnancy at this point.

I find out from my friend Patty that I may want to have them check my progesterone levels. TMI... but I get yeast infections A LOT. I mean, like every month a few days before I get my period. Patty brings to my attention that low progesterone levels could be what's causing this. And your baby needs progesterone in order to grow. I immediately do some research online and call my nurse. She's retarded and just says "well its probably just the hike in your estrogen levels each month when you ovulate that's causing the yeast infections." I can't really fault this doctor cause he is a new doctor (My old doc was just a GYNO so I only started going to him once I found out about my first pregnancy). Anyway, I tell my nurse that I want to come in for a lab to check my progesterone levels anyway. She says okay. I go in, get blood drawn. Call back a few days later for my results. guess what? Dumbass only checked my HCG hormone. Idiot! Good news, it's doubled. Anyway, I tell them again that I need my PROGESTERONE checked. So I go back in a couple days later (I don't have all the time in the world you know?) and get another lab. I make sure to ask the lab tech lady what they're sending it in for cause I'm going to be pissed if they fuck up again. Now we're running into the holidays and this is the week of Christmas, and places are going to be closed. I call in early the next week for the results (due to the short week for Xmas) and I get my results. Yep. Progesterone is LOW. It was at a 7.7, nurse said should be around 10...? She honestly didn't know what she was talking about, she said so. She had to put me on hold and ask someone how to read the results because she didn't know how to read progesterone. :::eyeroll::. She rights me a prescription for the progesterone supplements. Tells me to make sure to call the pharmacy first because they have to specially make them there or something. I call the next day (New Years Eve at this point) and they say they haven't gotten the order. WHAT. THE. FUCK. Now I'm pissed. I'm 6 1/2 wks at this point and I know I need these, like 2 weeks ago. Ugh. Long story short, I wasn't able to even pick up the prescription until Monday due to the holidays and the pharmacy being closed. So I didn't even start the progesterone supplements till I was 7wks along.

Then 2 weeks later I go in for my 2nd appointment with my doctor. Everything's hunky dory, I'm about 7wks3d at this point. They didn't do an u/s at first but then once I saw the doc they said, "yeah let's get you in for an u/s." Go into the u/s room and this is where everything goes wrong. The tech says, "well you're measuring at about 5wk6d." And I say, "um... well, I don't get it. I was measuring 5 1/2 weeks last time I came in." And I see more on the u/s this time. There is a little "peanut" or embryo or whatever you wanna call it, and the fetal pole. But no heartbeat. yeah, and heartbeat at 7wks would be pretty important. I see the nurse again for my H1N1 shot and tell her I'm really confused and scared. She said that it's basically 50/50 at this point. Either my dates are off and I'm really only 5wk6d or I'll be miscarrying. Uh... okay. That makes me feel just GREAT!She says come back Monday for another u/s to see if we get a heartbeat. So I leave there totally bummed and depressed. I call Husband right away and just start balling. I KNOW this is not good news. I just am absolutely certain that I'm going to miscarry again. If I was only 5wks6d at this point that means I would've gotten a BFP only 1 1/2wks pregnant. Not possible.

Go in Monday, and whattya know. I was right. No heartbeat. Still measuring about the same as the week prior. I'm sad, but not surprised. I had prepared myself for it, plus I woke up with a cold, so it just hurts physically to cry. So I see the doctor and he schedules me for a D&C. I went in for my D&C last Wednesday the 13th. Everything went good. I just hate anethesia. It always makes me sick. I was fine emotionally too.

Then Friday I just broke down. Husband and I were at dinner and baby talk got brought up somehow at the end and I was just holding it in. As soon as we hit the parking lot I just lost it. I am just so disappointed and frustrated and a little angry at this point. When we started TTC it was very casual for us. It was one of those "we're not, not trying" things. Where we wanted it and were ready but were just going to see how things went. I didn't expect to be able to get pregnant so easily or fast. I mean things could definitely be worse, and I know that. I'm extremely lucky that we can get pregnant so easily. I just can't seem to STAY pregnant easily. At this point I'm just terrified. Terrified that this is going to happen over and over again. Terrified that this is going to happen in my 2nd trimester and I'll have to give birth to a dead baby. Terrified that I'm going to have a high risk pregnancy once I do stay pregnant. Maybe I'm just paranoid at this point, but I can't help it. It's scary and I really don't want to go through this again. Now all I want is a baby. Why can't I just go back to feeling casual about this? Now I'm anxious and impatient, and I just WANT A BABY NOW! You know? I hate feeling this way. It's just that we were so excited both times and it really got into our heads and we made plans and it was ripped out from underneath us not once, but twice. It sucks. Sucks big hairy balls. :*( Brian has been great too. He's completely taken care of me through all this and stayed strong for the both of us. This one hit him hard too. I have to remember that this effects him just as much as it does me emotionally. He wants this just as much as I do at this point. He's my rock and my better half and I'm just so fucking lucky to have him.

I'm really really hoping that now that I know that my progesterone is low I can start it right away (depending on what the doctor says), and pregnancy #3 will be great and I'll have a healthy baby by the end of 2010. I'm going to switch doctors to someone who knows something about progesterone and miscarriages. My doctor thinks it's no big deal. Just normal thing to happen. No biggie. "hey, if you have 5 or 10 in a row, no big deal!" Um, yes. It's a big deal to me, thank you. I'm also going to wait a cycle before getting pregnant again this time. My doctor says it's okay to get pregnant right away, don't even have to wait for a period, which is exactly what we did last time. Well, I think I'm going to give my body a rest, and I've heard differently from other people. Like I said my doctor doesn't think anything's a big deal.

So 3rd time's a charm, right?! Oh God, I really hope so. They say he doesn't give you anything more than you can handle. Well, I really don't think I can handle this again, so please God. Please please please let this next one be the one. kthxbai.