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Monday, February 13, 2012

I hate being a working mom.

*WARNING* I'm about to have a pity party....

So have I ever mentioned how I HATE being a working mom? Like I really hate it. It sucks. Let me tell you why:

* There's not enough hours in the day. To work, to play with my child, to cook, to clean, to SLEEP.

* I hate that I'm not the first one to see her take her first steps, hear her first words, etc.

* I hate that I have to call into work every other week. If the kid's not sick, I am. This week it was me. I had a nasty stomach bug for a couple days. A couple weeks ago Cailin had her bazillionth cold. I was out a day and a half this week, last time I was out with Cailin for 3 days. It sucks that I have to use all my PTO for sick days instead of saving them and taking a vacation. It sucks that I have to worry about "OMG am I going to get fired? Written up"? It's never ending. It sucks.

... and the list goes on. It just sucks that I don't even have the CHOICE. I HAVE to work. We can't afford me not to work. I wish we didn't have car payments, and had a cheaper mortgage. But we need two cars, and would rather not live in a tiny apartment (not that our house is big by any means).

Also, I'm not saying that being a stay at home mom is easy by any means, don't get me wrong. It's a hard job. I can see that just by being home with her for a few days, and from my maternity leave (which I had to go back early because I ran out of pay). But when you are a working mommy, you have TWO full time jobs. I'd rather do the job that I love - being a mom. Most days I'm okay with working. I'm all about "you do what you gotta do, and deal with it", but some days I just get really depressed about it. I have a hard time focusing at work, because I just want to be home with my baby. And then the days that she has a cold or is teething really bad, I feel horrible that I can't be there with her. She's my #1 priority, my #1 concern.

My favorite part of the day is at 5PM, when I walk in the door to pick her up. She sees/hears me and lights up! She crawl-runs right over to me and I pick he up and I get hugs and kisses. The best part of the day by far. I know she missed me as much as I missed her.

I will say that I am EXTREMELY lucky that she gets to go to her Auntie's every day and hang out with her aunt and her cousins. She loves it. And I do love my job. My current job is the best job I've ever had(besides being a mommy of course), so I got that going for me.

I mean, who would want to be away from this beautiful face 8 hrs a day?

**update (because I wrote this a few days ago)**

Guess who's sick AGAIN? Yep, my poor baby. Actually I'm still getting over whatever I had last week. Was feeling better Thursday and Friday then feeling gross again since Saturday. Ugh. It's never.fucking.ending. So anyway, my mom is going to watch her tomorrow, because I just cannot miss another week of work. But I'm sure Cailin and I won't be sleeping tonight, so tomorrow's going to suck balls at work. :( Kill me now.

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